At the beginning of a relationship, we tend to seem better than we are. We try to hide our shortcomings and do not notice them from our partner. And it's natural - we want to please. And then, when we become close and not such an ideal man and woman, it does not occur to us to reproach each other for the slyness of the first meetings.
Where do the disappointments and grievances come from? We were deceived? Have you played? We - oh, horror! - continue to lie shamelessly?
Let's figure out what's behind the male lies.1. Infantilism
As a child, he flew for everything in a row - now does not know: what he does - is it good or bad? So just in case it's lying.
I communicated with a character who was lying "on the blue eye," even calling the metro station or cafe where he was sitting. Calling from Pushkin - says that in Kursk. He drinks coffee in the "Chocolate Girl" - says that in "Pies". And most importantly - it's completely unclear why.
What to do? Always keep a spare dessert at home in case you suddenly tell the truth. "Adopt", read books about the upbringing of children.2. The fear of loneliness
He betrays, changes, lives on two houses. This, of course, is the most traumatic plot.Jealousy comes to the fullest, self-esteem flies into the abyss, and life very quickly becomes a nightmare.
I do not know if you will be comforted by the thought that in such cases they lie not only to you, but also to your rival. Moreover, such men lie to themselves and go crazy about not being able to make a decision.
He affirms himself here and there, does not trust anyone. You will catch - it will convince you and yourself that you were silent, because you were afraid to offend (like a noble one). In fact, mortally afraid of only one thing - to remain alone.
What to do? In principle, this is another facet of immaturity. You can forgive, you can feel sorry, you can be intimidated. But no one guarantees that this will not happen again, as soon as you relax your vigilance.3. Munchhausen's syndrome
While this does not hurt vital positions, it looks rather innocent. Typically, creative people are inclined to this, painfully dependent on the assessment of others.
He takes what he wants for reality: especially with regard to him personally. I wrote down a good idea in the diary - it seems to me that this is the beginning of the novel. Everything, from this day he is a writer. In his youth, he worked for the stage workers - now at every opportunity he says that he gave the theater ten years.
My friend doctor in his youth in the evenings "bombed" on his Zhiguli (and who among us did not work part-time, how could?).Now in a taxi he sits down with the same phrase: "I'll show you the way: I've been a trumpeter for thirty years".
Danger lies in wait, if such a partner is going to, for example, take a loan for his imaginary experience. That is, if a person once successfully changed an apartment, this does not mean that it is time to open a real estate agency. And he can think this way and sacredly believe in success.
What to do? Revise Zakharov's film "The same Munchausen" and decide if you like Martha's role.4. Fear of intimacy
Lies as the basis of the scandal. The goal is to go to bed in different rooms. Complicated, but psychologists say that it is the male fear of intimacy that underlies many misunderstandings in the pair.
The Jesuit scheme: you, as a rule, can not understand, because of what the fuss is. Any your innocent claim instantly metastasizes into conflict. The most running scheme:
"We agreed that you were taking the child out of school."
- I? When? The first time I've heard!
- I was waiting for your call.
"My phone's dead."
- You have the same charge with you!
- I forgot it in the car.
And so on. You're upset: what kind of sex is here! This was calculated.
Fear - he also reluctance - intimacy forced my friend's husband to imitate drinking regularly, knowing that his wife can not stand the smell of alcohol in bed.
What to do? Here you need to deal with the male libido, but also with the relationship too. After all, when they are harmonious, such problems are discussed openly, with mutual interest of the parties.5. Lack of trust
The game is who will make the first one. Of course, you have many more reasons not to tell the whole truth in the name of peace and tranquility. But a partner can have excellent intuition with an annoying deficit of empathy.
He will not rush to find out what you do not like in your life together, but will use your own weapon
That is, sensing the wrong, he will not rush to find out what exactly does not suit you in your life together, but will use your own weapon.
Did you invent a migraine to not invite his mother? He, too, will find one hundred and fifty reasons not to go to your parents. You said you went to a hen party, and there were men? Well, honey, we do not always have separate baths either.
What to do? This is a dead-end path, typical for couples, in which neither side is ready to share responsibility for the relationship. Sooner or later, the trust will be lost completely - and who is the first to get tired, he will leave.6. Neurosis
He says that he will come at six, and comes at nine.He says that now he will call back, - he calls me in two days. Forgets your birthday. Then it is announced at ten in the evening as if nothing had happened - well, did you order a table? I'm ready!
Note, it's useless to be offended - you automatically become guilty: did not take care, did not remind, confused.
Your partner is a complete neurotic (as an option, narcissus and manipulator), besides not at all with yourself and your own chronotope. You have nothing to do with it. At the stage of falling in love, he grouped, then again lives like a ball lightning.
What to do? To refer to this not as a gap in education, but as a personal injury. Perhaps, for a while you will even be on your toes: you have no idea when it will come, whether it will come at all, what will you do on the weekend, where will you go on vacation and what for. Ideally - to incline to visit a specialist (psychologist, psychotherapist). But, whatever one may say, for family history is not the best option.***
Avoiding lies is possible only in one way - to encourage the truth and all its manifestations: recognition, repentance, any feasible reflection.
The work is still one, but the result justifies itself. Option-"light" - do not react at all.But so you risk harboring hurt and becoming a victim of a neurosis. In the framework of long-term projects, it is necessary to engage in increasing the partner's self-esteem, and at the same time, his own. A confident woman is unlikely to tolerate that she is not called, when she waits, did not come, as agreed, squandered the family budget and even more so changed.
Your contribution is to accept it as it is, that is, to enjoy absolutely everything that promotes creation in your pair
The maximum program is to make you responsible, that is, an adult. But here you need a serious upgrade of his past. Your contribution is to accept it as it is, that is, to enjoy absolutely everything that contributes to the creation of your couple. Even if it's just an after-call, or coffee brewed for two, or a bouquet of flowers to mark the anniversary of your acquaintance (albeit belatedly for some three days).
And further. It is important to respect his personal space: do not harbor suspicions of rights once deceived by him. Then you can demand respect for yourself, including, first of all, honesty in the relationship.
But! If you feel that this lyrical project seems too energy-intensive for you - leave.Love, of course, work - but not hard labor.
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