Do we enjoy high social status?


Can happy owners of a high position in society boast of good health? This conclusion seems dubious at first glance: after all, top-managers of companies, together with the authorities taking on greater responsibility, clearly feel more stressful than their less responsible subordinates.

But Professor Modupe Akinola of the Columbia School of Business and Professor Wendy Berry Mendes of the University of California, USA, are confident that a high social status has a positive effect on short-term psychological, physiological and behavioral indicators *. This was confirmed by two experiments **.

To perform the first task, police officers were involved, who before the beginning of the experiment had to assess their social status with respect to their colleagues. After that, the subjects were included in a role-playing game, during which they experienced severe stress. All of them were warned that the results of this assignment are the basis for an increase in many police departments. Officers who rated their social status as high showed better physiological results in response to stress.

read alsoPrice of success: how much we are willing to pay

Then the researchers moved on to a deeper study of the relationship between status and adaptation to stress in subjects. To participate in the second stage of the experiment, men with higher education were invited. They, unlike the first experiment, the social roles were "distributed" by the experimenters themselves - they involved them in a video game. In the process of intense play, the reaction of their cardiovascular system to stress and testosterone levels were monitored. The results of this experiment finally confirmed the correctness of the hypothesis put forward - the participants, who received a conditional high social status at the beginning, demonstrated not only a better physiological result, but also a positive attitude throughout the task.

* Social Psychological and Personality Science, October 17, 2014

** http://www8.gsb.columbia.edu/ideas-at-work/publication/832

read also Healthy reasonableness Text: Ekaterina Novikova
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Do we enjoy high social status?


Can happy owners of a high position in society boast of good health? This conclusion seems dubious at first glance: after all, top-managers of companies, together with the authorities taking on greater responsibility, clearly feel more stressful than their less responsible subordinates.

But Professor Modupe Akinola of the Columbia School of Business and Professor Wendy Berry Mendes of the University of California, USA, are confident that a high social status has a positive effect on short-term psychological, physiological and behavioral indicators *. This was confirmed by two experiments **.

To perform the first task, police officers were involved, who before the beginning of the experiment had to assess their social status with respect to their colleagues. After that, the subjects were included in a role-playing game, during which they experienced severe stress. All of them were warned that the results of this assignment are the basis for an increase in many police departments. Officers who rated their social status as high showed better physiological results in response to stress.

read alsoPrice of success: how much we are willing to pay

Then the researchers moved on to a deeper study of the relationship between status and adaptation to stress in subjects. To participate in the second stage of the experiment, men with higher education were invited. They, unlike the first experiment, the social roles were "distributed" by the experimenters themselves - they involved them in a video game. In the process of intense play, the reaction of their cardiovascular system to stress and testosterone levels were monitored. The results of this experiment finally confirmed the correctness of the hypothesis put forward - the participants, who received a conditional high social status at the beginning, demonstrated not only a better physiological result, but also a positive attitude throughout the task.

* Social Psychological and Personality Science, October 17, 2014

** http://www8.gsb.columbia.edu/ideas-at-work/publication/832

read also Healthy reasonableness Text: Ekaterina Novikova
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Exercises to stop ... lose weight


"Lose weight by summer!" - Do not get tired to call us fitness clubs. With numerous advertising posters, we are smiling at women and men with ideal bodies. And the easier clothes become, the more worries we experience when we look at our reflection in the mirror. How to get rid of discontent with yourself, says clinical psychologist Sophie Cheval (Sophie Cheval).

Reformulate your thoughts

The task: to change your thoughts about your own appearance.

How to do it? Instead of repeating repeatedly: "I am fat," reformulate this statement this way: "I am often visited by the thought that I am too fat." It's much more accurate, right? However, it does not sound so hopeless.

Include thoughts in context

The task: to change your thoughts about your own appearance.

How to do it? We are always thicker than someone. And older than someone. And we are always younger and slimmer than someone else. "Tolstaya" is a relative concept, we are inclined to formulate it as absolute. To get rid of this destructive habit, substitute the saying "I'm too fat" in the context. For example, "I'm too fat next to a friend who has 42 sizes of clothes"; "I'm too fat,when I put on this too tight (or short or white) skirt. I'm not comfortable with it. "

read also Detox - another diet? Focus on pleasure

The task: to remind ourselves of why we need outdoor clothing. It is especially important for those who hesitate to wear a swimsuit.

How to do it? Standing in the dressing room, choosing shorts / sarafan / bikini, remember what brought you to the store. You do not need this item in order to become like a skinny dummy, to which it is worn. In it you are going to rest, have fun and enjoy the summer. Take the clothes to her proper place and focus on what is really important. Really, the most important thing in your life, do you climb into the 42nd size? And the inscription on the tombstone: "She always remained the 42nd size, she had a flat stomach and no cellulite" will give you the feeling that you have lived a life full of meaning?

Return to the body its primary functions

The task: to cease to perceive your body only as an aesthetic object.

How to do it? Do sports, have sex or make an appointment for a massage ... It turns out that the body can give us a lot of fun, no matter how it looks at this time.The more often you perceive your body not only as an aesthetic object, the easier it will be for you to think of it as sensual and very important, and not just as beautiful or not.

Live with joy

Task: consciously choose to lose weight or not.

How to do it? The call to lose weight by the summer is relevant every year. It turns out that we do this only because there comes a special time of the year or because it is so customary? In this case, each of us has every right to decide differently and ... not to become one who grows thin by the summer. So, to get more pleasure from life: during diets and active training we rarely meet with friends, almost do not cook favorite dishes, in general, make our life more boring and sadder.

1. Sophie Cheval - clinical psychologist, author of the book "Belle autrement! En finir avec la tyrannie de l'apparence "(" You can become a beauty in another way: end the tyranny of diets ", Armand Colin, 2013).

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Do we enjoy high social status?


Can happy owners of a high position in society boast of good health? This conclusion seems dubious at first glance: after all, top-managers of companies, together with the authorities taking on greater responsibility, clearly feel more stressful than their less responsible subordinates.

But Professor Modupe Akinola of the Columbia School of Business and Professor Wendy Berry Mendes of the University of California, USA, are confident that a high social status has a positive effect on short-term psychological, physiological and behavioral indicators *. This was confirmed by two experiments **.

To perform the first task, police officers were involved, who before the beginning of the experiment had to assess their social status with respect to their colleagues. After that, the subjects were included in a role-playing game, during which they experienced severe stress. All of them were warned that the results of this assignment are the basis for an increase in many police departments. Officers who rated their social status as high showed better physiological results in response to stress.

read alsoPrice of success: how much we are willing to pay

Then the researchers moved on to a deeper study of the relationship between status and adaptation to stress in subjects. To participate in the second stage of the experiment, men with higher education were invited. They, unlike the first experiment, the social roles were "distributed" by the experimenters themselves - they involved them in a video game. In the process of intense play, the reaction of their cardiovascular system to stress and testosterone levels were monitored. The results of this experiment finally confirmed the correctness of the hypothesis put forward - the participants, who received a conditional high social status at the beginning, demonstrated not only a better physiological result, but also a positive attitude throughout the task.

* Social Psychological and Personality Science, October 17, 2014

** http://www8.gsb.columbia.edu/ideas-at-work/publication/832

read also Healthy reasonableness Text: Ekaterina Novikova
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5 ways to build relationships in pairs


Alas, no one can guarantee eternal love. Feeling that you have met an infinitely valuable person for you, next to whom the present has found itself, comes from the very depth of our personality. This feeling can not be "constructed", it is not subject to the will. But our greatest misconception is to think that partnership relations are interrupted when love goes away. In fact, men and women part because they lose another - a sense of respect for each other.

The transition from overwhelming proximity to mutual respect is a difficult period in the couple's life. A sense of respect implies distance and is perceived as the opposite of love. Hence disappointments and doubts: is it worth while to continue to be together?

There are several ways that will help overcome them and start a new life - with the same person.

1. Tell each other what you like about your relationship

The best time for Olga is those moments when he and Andrei are at home, alone, and he tells how his day went. And she hates when her husband "gets stuck" in the computer, does not hear her invitations to the table and comes to supper, when everything has already cooled.

Andrew also loves to travel with his wife, visit guests and exhibitions - he likes to be with her. But the question "And where were you today?" It is incredibly annoying - he prefers to start the story about his affairs himself.

For six years of living together, Olga and Andrei have never talked about what they like or what annoys their relationship. However, many couples do not discuss such subjects: each assures himself that the partner himself will guess everything. But this, of course, does not happen. As a result, one person silently suffers, and the second, thinking that everything is in order, continues to behave as usual.

Men refer to conversation about attitudes wary, and women attach too much importance to them

Start talking about the best and worst in your relationship, while "I do not like" did not turn into "I hate."

In "not like" less anger and pain - just a little annoyance and bewilderment, and they are easier to control. In this case, the conversation will be calm and your words will be heard. You leave space for answers to questions, save space for another.

Men refer to conversation about attitudes wary, and women attach too much importance to them.

About what excites, it is sometimes easier to write: take a piece of paper and list the best and worst in your relationship, exchange with the partner leaflets and discuss what was written.

Such a simple reception will allow you to better know each other, establish your share of responsibility for the "worst" and understand what to do to make the "best" become more.

It is worth checking out and the lexicon of spouses: it happens that the same seemingly obvious words for partners mean different.

He, for example, understands the word "believe": a friend believes him, and therefore will forgive him if he does something wrong. And she is convinced: since she believes him, he will not under any circumstances do such an act.

Talking to each other, partners can learn a lot of unexpected things. For example, what seemed so wonderful to both at the beginning of the relationship, now one of the two does not inspire at all.

"Previously, we spent all weekend at a big company, and it was fun! - recalls Elena. - But I have long wanted to be alone with Oleg, and he still invites friends for every holiday. And on the weekends we always have guests. "

"Rita constantly wants to be with me, does not leave me for a minute," complains Peter."Before, I even liked it, and now I feel that I do not have enough free space, and almost hiding from it, I sit at the computer."

5 ways to build relationships in pairs 2. Define the rules, find common goals

Many couples live as if by inertia, without hesitation, why they do it and what they expect from life together. But the absence of common goals can destroy relations more quickly than permanent conflicts.

Vera began to live with Oleg, dreaming of a big friendly family, a cozy home, and was amazed when he confessed to her that his life in common was most attracted to regular sex.

However, if the feelings are really strong, you can agree and find a middle ground. This will be your joint strategic planning, the basis of which is respect for each other. The distance helps to treat relationships more carefully, without subjecting them to strength checks. For example, for the sake of her husband's career, the wife agrees to wait with the first child, and he, respecting her dream, will think about how to provide the family with more spacious housing - from the nursery.

An important role in the life of the couple is played by rules and rituals.

They do not need to be specially invented.They already exist in your life: someone first takes a bathroom, someone always buys bread or pays for a parking lot. But often it turns out that one of the partners the distribution of roles is convenient, while the other causes irritation and discomfort. Conclusion: rules and rituals also need to be negotiated.

In order not to accidentally hurt the feelings of another, partners need to answer several important questions. Will we always be true to each other or are there options? What happens if some of us break the established rules? The answers must be clear, otherwise the emotional deposit will accumulate in silence.

Alexander and Anna quarrel: on a visit the husband all evening communicated with the pleasant girl whom owners have planted near to it.

"I saw you smiling at her, and angry!" She says.

- So what am I now, no one to smile at? - He is irritated.

"If from time to time you took my hand, making it clear that you were here with me, it would be easier for me," Anna explains.

As a result, the couple agrees that the husband can freely communicate with anyone he wants, but at the same time make it clear that he is not alone in life.Alexander agrees, and his wife calms down, feeling that she is respected.

Metamorphoses of love

According to American psychologists Ellen Bader and Peter Pearson, relations in any pair pass six consecutive stages.

1. The merger. The two feel that they are one, ignoring differences. If they go to a restaurant, someone will certainly say: "I'll take what you want."

2. Differentiation. Partners emphasize their interests, as if checking relations for strength. It is at this moment that a difference of beliefs and interests is revealed: "How can you like this kind of muck?"

3. Research. Partners explore their ability to "not be together": they separately spend their holidays, meet their friends more often ... and (sometimes) change each other.

4. Convergence. Two already know why they work together, develop a common way of life, set themselves certain goals.

5. Cooperation. Partners are completely absorbed in the organization of family life, they are attentive to the interests and career of each other.

6. Synergy. This turns out to be a real team. A joint cause, children, friends ... It's good for two - it's good for those who are with them!

3.Keep your personality

Let's do a small test. How do you see your relationship today? Try to depict yourself and your partner in the form of two intersecting circles. Is the crossing area large? Another illustration illustrates the answer to the question "What kind of relationship would you like?".

In the second case, most women draw circles, almost (and sometimes completely) overlapping each other: many lack care and attention. Partners are always surprised to see the "reference" drawing of the psychologist - two circles that intersect only by a quarter: the scheme of long relations looks exactly like this.

There is no need to lose yourself in order to maintain a relationship

After living together for some time, lovers can find out that they are so "adjusted" to each other, that their personalities have changed a lot. The desire to adapt to a loved one, to make him pleasant, to please often leads a man or woman to lose their own individuality. Often the so-called "crisis of the third year of relations" is an attempt to return to oneself, one's habits and values. Many people have a desire to change jobs or start learning.

Sometimes the partner does not understand the reasons for what is happening, and the feelings cool down. This is another reason for a calm, thorough conversation: after all, it was your personality that you once attracted each other. There is no need to lose yourself in order to maintain a relationship.

5 ways to build relationships in pairs 4. Do not save anger

We often restrain anger, irritation, fury, fearing that they will destroy the relationship. But it is better to arrange a good quarrel than to grow in oneself rancor and guilt. Strong emotions do not mean that the two no longer love each other - they only report the problem.

Anger is good because it helps us to call things by their proper names. This is similar to a thunderstorm after which the air becomes purer. Letting go of your anger, figure out what exactly caused it. And try to say this without going over to the partner's personality.

If you yourself become the cause of anger, be patient and listen to the accusations as you listen to constructive criticism: you will agree with something, but with something - no. An angry, reproachful person is well served by the manifestation of attention to the topic of the conversation: "I take seriously your feelings and want to listen to you. Let's try to talk calmly. "

But if the reproaches are just, you are compensated for the spoiled mood. Igor was going to spend a quiet weekend with his wife, but suddenly it turned out that she invited friends and children to visit. When everyone dispersed, he irritated and loudly expressed his claims.

My wife was surprised, but she promised not to invite guests in the future without consulting him, and "cuddled" Igor's favorite cake. When the dish with the pie was on the table, her husband had already forgotten that he could not rest on Sunday.

5. Learn to thank each other

Many couples live in anticipation of something bigger and do not appreciate what happens every day. It would seem that it's easier - to thank in response to the participation shown, help or a received gift. However, this unpretentious skill, and the very willingness to thank somewhere, disappear when a couple lives together for a long time.

Either it's just not possible to open your mouth and say: "Thank you!" Or the words turn into a kind of formal muttering or verbose texts in which the more words, the less ourselves.

The non-bullet etymology of the word "thank you" (from the original "save God!") Seems to hint that it is not a simple rule of politeness, but something much more important, fundamental. This feeling is called a feeling of gratitude towards life.Without him, the warmest words sound insincere and formal.

Thank each other for specific things - a gift, a walk, a caring gesture. If the partner guessed our inner desire, did something nice, you just need to say: "It's so good!" - and the relationship will be stronger.

A truly deep relationship arises between people who do not depend on each other financially or emotionally

Be wary of the typical mistakes that negate the most sincere gratitude. It happens when simple phrases such as "I hope you will always do this now" are added to the simple "Thank you for the flowers" or "What did not you think of earlier!"

Really mature and deep relationships arise between people who do not depend on each other financially or emotionally.

They could live happily separately, but these two are so interesting to each other! Life gave them a chance - a meeting with a man from whom nothing is needed, but with which life becomes fuller.

Let him just live side by side, he remains as he is ... and let him be as good as me.

Dmitry Leontiev, psychologistDmitry Leontiev, psychologist In love I'm Michelangelo

In close relationships, we involuntarily "sculpt" each other, like the great Michelangelo, who cut off all the excess from the piece of marble in order to find the ideal shape. This was confirmed by the study of Stefan Drigotas, a scientist at the Southern Methodist University in Dallas, USA.

His conclusions can be formulated as follows: if a partner sees me as the ideal person that I myself want to be (and in this many thinkers saw the main essence of love), and by my behavior supports my aspirations, then I really begin to approach my ideal. Naturally, my satisfaction with life and relationships with a partner is increasing. And vice versa: if the partner's views on what I should be do not coincide with mine and his actions do not contribute to my movement to the desired, then satisfaction with life and relationships falls.

Read also How to create an atmosphere of emotional closenessHow to create an atmosphere of emotional closeness

What comes to mind when you hear the word "intimacy"? Often the first association is sex. However, this is not the main thing in the relationship, says psychotherapists Linda and Charlie Bloom, who have been happily married since 1972, and tell how to create emotional intimacy in a couple.

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Most of the usual ways of responding to anxiety only aggravate the situation, the psychotherapist Melanie Greenberg is sure. Instead of the usual automatic reaction, she offers a conscious approach to solving the problem.

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Exercise memory: tested by yourself


"But the most important thing," Larissa emphasizes, "is the absence of interest to us." Alas, not always what we need to keep in mind is so exciting. Take at least exams on unloved subjects.

The probability that the physics / chemistry / literature / history / economy / fundamentals of life safety (which we emphasize), which has always bothered us, will suddenly interest us, is rather small. So, there is only one thing left: to approach the process of memorization creatively.

Exercise memory: tested by yourself Mnemonics

1. Visual images The coach tells about the so-called eidetic memory, based on visual impressions. The peak of eidetism falls on 11-12 years, by 15-16 years it is weakening, and afterwards we almost completely focus on verbal-logical remembering.

Despite the age of the audience (far beyond 16), Larissa suggests betting on images: "They should be bright, funny, exaggerated. Learning a string of words, you can invent yourself even whole cartoons like "Plasticine Crow", where the fox turns into an ostrich, then a janitor ... ".

This is how we remember those same hairstyle, computer,photographer and other: we present in detail a kind of hair, then it opens, a computer appears from it ... It sounds wild? Maybe. But is it all the same if we can repeat all ten words, and in the right order, even three months later? ..

2. Cicero Method From the lesson to the lesson we remember all the longer chains of words, including paired ones, we do exercises to concentrate our attention, lay out, mix and re-arrange some incredible number of cards with pictures, draw pictograms.

We try Cicero's method, mentally arranging and hanging out images and abstracts on the corners, tables and windowsills of the cabinet or your room. When you need to remember something, you simply remember the room and "address" those subjects in it, behind which "fixed" the terms you need.

3. Associations The most difficult to remember is foreign names. For example, how to learn the names of European artists and the names of their paintings? They are already "hidden" right in these pictures. Do you remember who wrote "The Perfect Chocolate Girl"?

Look closely at the picture and name a tray in your hands for a tare - and imagine that she is carrying her Leo (Leo).The author of the picture is called Lyotard.

Similarly, we learn any foreign words. To remember, as in the Italian "carpet", imagine a boy Petya, who, shuffling with slippers, walks along the carpet. And Petya, and sneakers, and the carpet is better represented in all the details, with freckles, slightly torn out sole and oriental patterns, respectively.

Presented? So, the "carpet" in Italian will be "tappeto" - in the sneakers Petya on the carpet ...

Exercise memory: tested by yourself How to apply in practice

So, it's time to apply the acquired knowledge of mnemonics. I do not know how the rest, and it became easier for me to prepare for public speeches. And I started going to the store without a shopping list.

In the first case, repeating the plan of the speech, I imagine how one of my interlocutors turns into another, then the last clings to a beautiful carved window casing, that becomes an equally beautiful vintage piggy bank, but instead of banknotes, newspaper sheets are put there ...

I re-read and I am glad that the organizers of the conference did not ask you to send me the theses and the ways of memorizing them for acquaintance.

To remember the list of products, you can mentally highlight the desired bright color. And everything else is colorless.And the hall, and buyers, and sellers, and goods on the shelves - all black and white.

And only the items I need are highlighted in color: here is a package with frozen berries, around the corner the conditioner for black laundry, and a little further the fresh roll.

The images we rely on can include not only the visual component. Remembering, we can imagine the smell, the sound, and the texture ... The main thing is to help.

Read also 10-minute exercises that will increase creativity and clarity of mind10-minute exercises that will increase creativity and clarity of mind

Constant fatigue, digestive problems, quarrels ... Psychologist Benjamin Hardy is sure that you can cope with psychological, medical and everyday problems by setting up the unconscious to solve them.

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Text: Maria Ishchenko
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"Quiet" qigong meditation


Before starting meditation, turn off the TV, phone and music, stay in silence. This will help you calm the nervous system, relax the body and mind. Sit on a pillow or bench for meditation or simply on a chair with a straight back, put your feet comfortably on the floor. Try sitting with a straight back, so that the qi energy flows freely, without tension. Put your hands on your knees so that the back of your right hand rests in your left palm, and your thumbs touch each other. Relax, but do not slip. Let the stomach be soft. Relax the jaw and face.

Start with a few deep breaths: inhale through the nose and exhale the tension through the mouth. Take a few breaths to exhale the locked chi. Now let the breathing become smooth and quiet, do not control the flow. Either close your eyes, or leave them half-open with a diffused look.

read alsoMeditation at work? Easily! Meditation "Five-Eight"

A very simple exercise for those who find it difficult to meditate. It well relieves stress and is suitable for those who are familiar with hypertension, who have problems with digestion or who have chronic diseases.You can meditate at any time of the day or in a stress situation. Exercise perfectly relaxes in an airplane, car, before a public performance.

Take a few deep breaths and drive out all the tension, releasing it through your mouth. Deep breathing helps to ease depressed stress. Then start meditation, gently inhaling your nose and slowly counting to five. Exhale through the nose, counting to eight. The prolonged exhalation removes the reaction caused by fear, calms the nervous system, deeply relaxes. Continue this quiet breathing, inhaling on five counts and exhaling at eight. Focus on the rhythm of breathing, allowing thoughts to flow calmly: do not pay attention to them. Continue meditation for 10-20 minutes.

Sea Meditation

Helps to get rid of anxiety. It can be recommended to creative individuals and emotionally sensitive people. Take a meditative posture and take a few deep, calming breaths. Close your eyes and imagine the rolling sea shafts. Slowly listen to the soothing rhythm of the ocean. If you live by the sea, sit and listen to the waves, allowing the incessant, monotonous surf noise to become your mantra.

You can also start this meditation with reflections on the qualities of the ocean.In one Chinese tale, the goddess of compassion, Guan-Yin, reached enlightenment, listening to the sea. Comparing the excitement of the ocean and life's difficulties, she realized that in life, as in the sea, there is always calm under the unrest. The mind is the same: it has the unshakable essence of our true "I", which is not touched by the waves of life. Dive under the surface of life and relax, having found a deep inner peace in the midst of all this rumbling of everyday life.

read also 5 sensory meditations Meditation of Dunhuang

Dunhuang is the meditation of purification. Exorcizing the negative, they purify the body of tension and soothes the mind. This is especially useful if we feel that we are overwhelmed by feelings or that we have absorbed the energy and problems of others.

Sit on a stiff chair, with your legs crossed at the ankles, or stand so that one leg crosses with the other.Slightly spread arms out to the sides, elbows outward, brushes about 20 cm from the body.Make your thumb and forefinger an open ring (as if you are holding an egg), while the other fingers dilute and bend like claws.The space between the thumb and forefinger should be turned downward so that negative energy flows out of your body into the ground. Tighten your fingers, relax your hands, keeping this position.Sit or stand in this position for 5-10 minutes, breathe through Dantian (belly).

For more details, see D. Davis, "Qigong for Women's Health and Longevity" (Sofia, 2012).

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"Tame the tiger - return to the mountain." Improving gymnastics Qigong"Tame the tiger - return to the mountain." Improving gymnastics Qigong

The 10-minute Qigong gymnastics complex is so easy that it will fit even the most lazy. At the same time, he gives a paradoxical combination of energy and relaxation and helps to feel brisker even in case of illness. This is confirmed by our correspondent.

Text: Prepared by Elena Shevchenko
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Oh, this man's memory!


Women keep memories - especially autobiographical - better than men. As a rule, women remember events from the past more quickly and reproduce more details of what happened. Psychologists Azriel Grisman and Judith Hudson (USA) found this explanation: the point is that parents talk differently with their male and female children at a time when they acquire memory skills *.

Memory - this is not a "box", hidden in the depth of the brain, in which the memories are formed. Azriel Grisman, who studies gender differences and memory at Hamilton College, says: "Memory is mental activity, and the more there are" entry points "for memories, the more chances that the information will remain in your memory." What are these "entry points"? They can become emotions, smells, even what you were wearing when an event occurred. All these and similar factors are fixed in memory - and later will help remember events that took place long ago. And, according to research, from the childhood of such "entry points", more women are created.

read alsoWhy are the girls not like boys?

At the age of 2 to 6 years, we learn to form memories. And it happens including during conversations with our parents. On the example of adults, children learn to present information and tell stories. For example, when a mother asks a child to tell in detail about the events of the past day and asks clarifying questions, she thereby unconsciously tells what details it is important to remember. This habit of retelling details helps memory to anchor memories. A study conducted with pre-school children showed that children whose mothers asked them to tell stories that included many details could then revive these early memories in more detail than those children whose mothers did not insist on a detailed story **.

But the manner of communication of parents with sons or daughters is different. Mothers, as a rule, mention a lot of bright details and ask to describe emotions - that is, create "entry points" - in communication more often with daughters than with sons. Parents may not even guess about such gender differences in communication, but more often they give an attitude to repetition - and, consequently, better memorization - to girls.Azriel Grisman explains that the communication of parents with girls includes more information and has a more intense emotional "reinforcement". For boys, emotions are associated only with significant events or shocks. Thus, in girls, the brain has more opportunities for remembering information in detail since childhood, which allows women to successfully develop long-term memory ***.

* A. Grysman, Judith A. Hudson, "Gender differences in autobiographical memory: Development and methodological considerations", Developmental Review, September 2013.

** F. Jack et al. "Maternal reminiscing style during the early childhood predictions of the age of adolescents' earliest memories", Child Development Journal, April 2009.

*** M. Dahl "Why men never remember anything", Science of Us, September 2014.

Read also Our past is a shelter or a trap? Text: Ekaterina Novikova
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Are we good by nature?


The question of the nature of good and evil - not the first, of course, once in our recent history - once again acquires a frightening concreteness. Now that the war has approached our borders, when the brother goes to the brother on the territory adjacent to us, we somehow support this or that side. The level of aggression in the society goes off - it is enough to turn on the TV or go into social networks, and you appear as if under a current. If good in us is so easy to frighten off, if we give up the positions of hatred, intolerance and hostility without resistance, what is it worth? Maybe it is not rooted in us? Maybe it's just a thin film that covers our true, animal essence? Or do we choose to serve good or evil according to circumstances, but we do not have the original inclination for good or for evil?

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At first glance, the answer should be disappointing. Just remember the Holocaust, the Stalinist camp, the genocide from Cambodia to Rwanda ... What subtle sadism and cruelty, what boundless ingenuity with which a person causes suffering to others! How can we say that kindness is a natural quality,if it is enough to see what is happening at the changes in the school, where our children humiliate each other? How can one not remember the work of Darwin on the survival of species or Conrad Lorenz about the natural history of evil? How to ignore the Freudian theories about the unconscious desire for life and death, how can one not believe the conclusion of the philosopher Hannah Arendt about the banality of evil? It is not surprising that in the twentieth century, as Erich Fromm noted, after World War I, Hitler and Stalin, Coventry and Hiroshima, thinkers began to emphasize man's propensity for evil1. However, new research attempts to refute this view. So, the American anthropologist Douglas Frye (Douglas Frye), on the basis of the data of evolutionary biology, archeology, primatology, asserts that there is no aggression in human nature, on the contrary, it has "peaceful potential" 2. Positive views are shared by positive psychologists. With what joy we would choose this hypothesis! But is it possible? We asked six experts to help us figure it out.

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"Yes, we resort to violence only for the lack of a better option" imgJean Leconte, psychologist, author of the book "Human kindness" ("La bonte Humain", Odile Jacob, 2012).

"The binary opposition between good and evil is an exaggeration. A person has the potential for both, and for another. But the possibility of kindness and compassion is more important than the opposite. One-year-old children, just beginning to walk, are already able at their own will to help an adult who can not open any door to the cupboard. The brain zones that are responsible for satisfaction and reward are activated when we are generous. On the other hand, the zones responsible for aversion and rejection are involved in our reaction to injustice. Thanks to the mirror neurons, we feel the pain of the other. In human relations, violence is behavior "for want of a better".

Take as an example of war: you can easily refute the claim that people are involved in them at will. We have an aversion to murder, and if you still have to kill, it usually leads to feelings of guilt. Therefore, in order to harden people, you have to use conditioned reflexes, drugs, alcohol, submission.

What is inherent in a person is a passion for action and thrill. Both of these are sometimes mistakenly associated with violence. But if teenagers who "sat down" on video games, offer to play active games that generate a lot of emotions, but without cruelty, they experience the same, if not more, satisfaction. Yes, there is a taste for violence, but only among sociopaths, accounting for 1-2% of the population. Man to man is not a wolf. "

read also Matthew Ricard: "Goodwill is a sign of the mind" "Yes, we have a good beginning. The same as evil " imgAlexander Uskov, psychoanalyst, full member of the International Psychoanalytic Association (IPA).

"In psychoanalysis, there are different views on this matter. There are theories that emanate from the fact that man is naturally kind, but he is "spoiled" by hard life experience, lack of love in childhood, lived through frustrations and hardships. However, with a caring, empathic, understanding attitude of the analyst, he can somehow realize his natural kindness, recover, that is, become less destructive towards himself and other people, less pain and suffering experience himself and cause others.

But there is also another large and influential corpus of theories that maintain that both principles are laid in man, both good and evil, in each of us in its individual proportion. And the question is precisely how one can overcome or mitigate anger, hatred, destructive instincts, which are explained not only by the fact that people treated poorly in childhood, loved little and cared little about it, but also because they are primarily natural quality of man as a species. I share this approach.

Biological heredity, as well as life experience, can push a person towards good or towards evil. But there is also an existential personal choice, which each of us does - whether to side with good or on the side of evil? This question we solve throughout our life. For each of us, the potential of good is discovered, just like the potential of evil. And a person can never be sure that he finally took the side of good, because at any moment he can slip to the side of evil, destruction, violence. Moreover, we can not never commit evil deeds at all. It's not always obvious, conscious things.Sometimes a person puts his destructive instincts in an attractive shell, masking with love or care betrayal, violence, deception. Therefore, we need constant internal work in order to understand and understand what we are actually doing. Such a rethinking occurs in the course of psychoanalysis. We again and again come back to some events or experiences, we re-analyze what they meant to us and what they brought to. And a person suddenly sees something bad, even horrible where he did not notice before, or, on the contrary, discovers something valuable, good in his traumatic experience.

This does not mean that there is no clear line between good and evil. Absolute criteria exist, although they are not always easy to determine. At least everything related to violent death, with violence as a restriction or imprisonment of another person, with lies and deceit in different kinds, is what is absolute evil.

And yet in us there is a desire for good. After all, good in a sense is synonymous with life. Life can not be conceived, sustained, developed without the desire to create, save, protect from destruction something good.And as life goes on, it means that the pursuit of good overcomes the desire for evil. "

read also Vladimir Zinchenko: "Kindness exists for its own sake" "No, but we have the intuition of good" imgJulia Sineokaya, PhD in Philosophy, head of the sector of the Institute of Philosophy of the Russian Academy of Sciences, author of the book Three Nietzsche Images in Russian Culture (IFRAN, 2008).

"I think that by nature man is neither good nor evil. He is beyond good and evil. He is neutral, as neutral, in relation to the norms of human morality, God. Circumstances, upbringing, love, manifested or not manifested to a person in childhood, already determine his views, attitude to others and the presence of what Nietzsche called "human, too human", that is egoism, envy, anger, greed - qualities that limit man in the way of good. But we have free will-freedom of choice between good and evil, and conscience is the intuition of good, what Kant called the moral law within us.

The possibility of change, improvement is always, at all stages of life of each of us. Even having committed an act that torments the soul, a person retains a chance to change, to be reborn.And this is a true inalienable good, an absolute good. And then everything depends on how a person decides his life, that he will have time for the time allotted to him. Socrates repeated that the main event in human life is death. No one can escape the question: Why did I live my life? Is it scary for me to die?

Dobr, in my opinion, is not the person who is oriented toward authority, fear of punishment or expectation of reward for his deed, but the one whose choice is conditioned by responsibility before himself, his relatives, his time. And the criterion here is not external success and not the approval of others. Alone with a person is always truthful, and each of us knows whether he acted in accordance with the truth that is inherent in it, or against it.

Aristotle has the concept of "entelechy", meaning the desire of everything that exists in the world, to the realization of one's essence. Each of us has his own entelechy - the meaning of life. Does it bring me what I am doing, inner harmony, happiness to live? This is the criterion of good. Good is the ability to support another without imposing on him your personal experience of suffering and ups, this is the skill to trust the other, helping him to become himself, to realize himself as much as possible in life. "

read also let yourself be kind "No, people are not born, they become" imgEvgeniy Osin, existential psychologist, associate professor of the psychology department of the Higher School of Economics.

"Good and evil are ethical categories. They can not be applied to animals, and in the same way our biological nature - the animal in us - is beyond good and evil. We are born with biological needs that require satisfaction and have us to behave selfishly. However, among them there is a need for intimacy, for the satisfaction of which care is needed for another person: the infant, not yet learned to speak, already reacts to the crying of another and calls his mother to help that other child. Can you call it good? Rather, in our biological nature there is a basic predisposition that can develop into the desire to do good. And to drown it is not so difficult: suffering, psychological trauma, lack of attention and care in early childhood - and a person can grow incapable of caring for both the other and himself.

Our nature is not only what is inherent in us from birth: a person is not born, but becomes.Erich Fromm wrote that many of us die, never born to the end, without becoming a man. You can say and write good words about kindness all your life, but never become truly kind yourself, even if you have such a desire. Each of us makes a relationship, a meeting. Throughout life, we meet with many people, each of whom we learn something: to love, to enjoy beauty, to distinguish truth from lies, and to do good. When we meet someone's good deed where we did not expect, it always touches us, reminding us that there is more in a person: there is a force in us that can change the usual course of things and make the world - even for a while, even if only here and now, - the place in which we would like to live. The kindness of others encourages us to think: "And what can I do to make someone's life better? Am I doing enough? "

The answer to this question is not so easy to find. The philosopher Merab Mamardashvili said that good is not content: the same act in different situations can turn out to be both good and evil. We need to make an effort to see what will be good here and now, in this situation, in relation to this person,and the courage to do it. Because real good is always going beyond expectations, rules, habits and obligations. Like any creative act, a good deed requires courage.

And this our ability to do good is based on faith in the nature of man. If we believe that people are basically good, worthy of love and support, if we treat them that way, then by their attitude we help them to change, to become kinder. If we believe that people are naturally evil, we sow distrust that does not help to improve - neither to others, nor to ourselves. "

1 E. Fromm "The Soul of Man. The Revolution of Hope "(AST, 2014).
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7 Simple Ways to Improve Your Health


Sometimes "micro-changes," which we do not even consider changing, can do more for us than radical solutions. Just the likelihood that these tiny changes will become an integral part of our life is much higher than the promise to quit smoking once and for all, overeat for the night or sit in front of the computer in the evenings. If the proposed ideas do not suit you, you are free to come up with something else. The condition is only one: a new action, if it involves a repetition, should take no more than two minutes of your time. Otherwise, our unconscious will regard the change as global, and therefore will resist it.

read also the Tibetan food system for well-being Sleep with an open window

Even in the center of the metropolis, air on the street is usually much cleaner than in the room. Especially at night, when the traffic is less intense. Leaving the windows closed means to breathe stagnant, polluted air all night. Clear head, fresh complexion, more energy - these changes you will notice the next day. Do not forget to use earplugs and a mask for sleep, so that the dream was deep and truly restoring.

Change the means of household chemicals

Organic household chemicals based on natural acids will improve the atmosphere in the house. Instead of synthetic perfumes in the living quarters, aromas of essential oils will be carried. And the amount of chemicals that the body encounters will be greatly reduced. Start the change is with the means for bathing and washing dishes, as well as washing powder for bed linen. After all, our body comes into contact with sheets and blankets for many hours every day.

read alsoHow to stretch properly? 5 simple exercises that improve well-being and mood Clean your tongue in the morning.

Language is a report card about the state of our body. On it you can judge the state of health. In norm it is pink, smooth, soft, not too thick and not thin. If it has a dense coating or the sides of the teeth, then you should temporarily ease your menu, because the digestive system can not cope. It's easy to check it: every morning after a dense late dinner, the picture is the same. Plaque - a toxin, which overnight managed to withdraw the body. Therefore, it is useful to take as a rule to clean not only the teeth, but also the tongue. Brush for this does not work, but the usual teaspoonful - quite.Move it with the edge from the root to the tip of the tongue.

Start the day with water

Get out of bed, first of all go to the kitchen to put the kettle, and only then - in the bathroom. After brushing your teeth, drink a large glass of warm water. This "awakens" the digestive system, stimulating the cleansing of the intestine. If you did not do this before, the effect will not appear immediately, but in a few days. In addition, make sure that during the day you have water near you. Let the bottle always stand on your desktop, in the cup holder of the car, lies in the bag. Gradually it will greatly improve your health and appearance. The complexion will become more even, normal salivation, signs of puffiness will disappear or manifest less frequently, digestion and other vital processes will be normalized.

Hang a horizontal bar

And hang on it whenever you need to relieve tension. Pull your arms out, straighten your shoulders and concentrate on how the muscles stretch, this will help to relax the mind. Perform the exercise from 30 seconds to two minutes. Gradually, you will begin to notice that heat is poured into the muscles.This is normal: so the body gets rid of muscle blocks and toxins.

book on Sarah Lai "Introduction to Ayurveda" Sarah Lai "Introduction to Ayurveda" The book by Sarah Lai, a journalist who studied Ayurveda in India and received a diploma from an Ayurvedic doctor, is not a collection of recipes, diets and prohibitive directives, but a statement of a certain philosophy of life. Fruit in a dish instead of candy

When unpacking, immediately wash vegetables and fruits. Let them, not sweets or pastries, take a place in a dish that always stands on the table. Having a pure radish or carrots on hand, it is easier to make a healthier choice, thinking what to eat. And the fact that you want to eat less, put in closed packages and put them in the upper drawers of the cabinet. The less these products come to your eyes, the less often you remember them.

Make a "massage" from stress

This exercise activates the parasympathetic nervous system and relieves stress instantly. You can do it anywhere, even in public transport and at work. During the whole exercise, tap the fingers of the right hand on the left hand, in the hollow between the knuckles of the little finger and the ring finger.

Close your eyes.Three times open them with an interval of about a second, each time looking straight ahead. Close your eyes.Open your eyes, looking in the lower right corner. Without closing your eyelids, move your eyes to the lower left corner, and then draw a circle with your eyes. First clockwise, then counterclockwise. Close your eyes.Open your eyes, looking up. Do not close your eyelids, look down. Close your eyes.

To check whether this simple and unusual exercise relaxes, take a test. Before performing it, stand with your arms outstretched and turn back as far as possible through the left side, then through the right side. The pelvis remains in place. Remember where your hand pointed. Do the same after completing the exercise. And be surprised by the difference.

The recommendations were prepared with the help of a psychologist and wellness coach Nadi Andreeva and a physician of holistic medicine Nish Joshi, author of the book Detox Method. Practices of holistic medicine "(AST, 2015).

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